Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Beautiful Heartbreak

Moving stinks. Time to pour my heart out.

I met this lady yesterday. She's my new hero. She's the real deal super-disciple.

She is LDS. Was doing everything right. Had four beautiful daughters and one amazing son. But then a crisis shook everything she knew and she had to learn to rely on Christ like she never had before. Then her life was thrown into the storm as her family uprooted and moved overnight.

She was talking to me about a dance and I was lamenting on how amazing it was and how I was sad it was over. Then she said:

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

That must be an accumulation of all of the faith she found, all of the hurt she's felt, all the love she's had to give away. It really inspired me.

God truly does have a plan for us. I think I was supposed to meet her yesterday.

Last year my friend was fighting luekemia. She gave it her all, and the whole community was convinced her prayers for that miracle would be answered. But she finished her battle in September. She is now living with her Father in Heaven.

So was she victorious in her battle? Did God answer her families prayers? I think he did. No, I know he did.

She has the greatest rest and relief now. I can't imagine what amazement she is experiencing right now. The community has risen and grown together, for through her love she showed us God's love. I wish I could influence people in the ways she did.

Then in March, my best friend passed away. Sure, she was a cat. But I could tell her everything. She never judged me and let me cry into her warmth when I had heartbreak tugging me down. That was hard.

But this summer, I moved. I'm no longer a Virginian, but a Pennsylvanian. It's not the farthest move, but I had to leave everything behind. All the relationships, all the memories, all the people who had taught me so much. I felt like now there was hardly an imaginary connection to my friend who passed away, much less a bond with my cat.

I've had to face humiliation, hurt, unfamiliarity, disdain even. I've done things I never thought I could do. I've shared the gospel a ton, and found my testimony in this world of darkness (I'll reserve that for another post). I've realized that the world moves on without me, people move away, people move in, friendships are broken and replaced. People get taller. Babies are born.

As our family drive away from Virginia this morning back up to Pennsylvania, it felt like I was leaving my home. But I guess wherever people you love are is home. Virginia is home, Utah is home, Nauvoo is home ;), even Pennsylvania is home now.

There is one place we all know well. Even though you may not remember it, you once had a heavenly home with your Heavenly parents. Jesus, our older brother, was there too. Everyone we loved was all together, in the same place all at once. That is our true home.

That is where I want to go. I want to be enveloped in His love again, and see the faces of everyone I
love. I want to be reunited with those who have passed on, I want to feel like I belong again.

God sends us heartbreak to help us grow. He wants us to return to his love. I am so grateful for this life and an opportunity to grow and learn.

If you haven't heard the song Beautiful Heartbreak yet, you need to watch this. It's the best.


  1. *hugs* oh honey. You are an amazing example of strength. Please continue being awesome.

    <3 Marie-Rose

    1. Thanks! I feel like I should share some of my story since I have gained so much strength from reading everybody else's. ;)

  2. Thanks for sharing your blog with me! I look forward to reading it all of the time. Remember all of the fun we had at EFY? You were the best roommate! "Goodnight, Appa. Goodnight, Momo." :D

    -- Helen

    1. I miss Efy! It won't be the same this year without you! Well, be glad it happened, not sad it's over, right?

  3. Well, then, I guess Nauvoo should also be considered "home." We loved having you here at Thanksgiving and you know there is a constant stream of love from our house to yours. You are such a wonderful young lady. Remember all the fun over at George and Susan's house? Parable of the Celery, etc???? Love you!

    1. Yeah I love Nauvoo. I'll edit it in. See? It was always there!