I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go

Another day of moving blues. Seriously, if you have the chance to not move, take it.

There are so many times that I desperately wanna go back. Back in time, back to Virginia, back to old friends, back to memories. I hope that when we die, we get to watch all our old memories on a tv screen, or better yet, go into a simulator or something to relive good memories. Oh don't you wish!

I have this little book next to my bed. It's a gospel art book. I absolutely LOVE gospel art. The title of it is "Wherever He Leads Me." I bought it a week before moving.

Image source

How I love this little book! Today, some of my old friends contacted me, and we talked a while. And it was just so sad. Because people keep living without you there. Life goes on. After that kinda ruining my night (it was great to hear from them, but it just made me sad ) I felt like I should listen to the hymn "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go." I knew most of the words, but not all of them. This phrase really stuck out to me:

But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I’ll be what you want me to be.

I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and has power to do all things, including letting all things work together for my good. He knows what is best for me, even if I do not. And he will guide me step by step, holding my hand. So I need to submit to his will.

But why is it so hard in the moment?

I'm going to kinda piggy-back off of Marie-Rose's post here from Hope Always And Pray Constantly. I think the reason why life is so hard is because we don't see all the pieces of the puzzle. We feel so small, and we're trying to stretch really high so we can see what the final picture is supposed to look like, but it just isn't working. Our scope is too small, and we can't see all the puzzle pieces, much less envision what the beautiful picture will be.

Image source

This is because we do not have an eternal perspective. But guess what? There is one person who sees all the puzzle pieces, and he knows exactly how they should all fit together and what amazing thing they can make in the end! Heavenly Father has a eternal perspective and knows what will best lead us to that happily ever after that we want. Sadly, it is kind of impossible to reach amazing things without going beyond our comfort zone.

We need to trust Heavenly Father. I need to. Sometimes I wish I was back in Virginia. I think of all the good I could be doing there, and all the comfort and love I would feel. But other times I am so grateful to live here, and thank Him for showing me love and peace and goodness.

I will go where he wants me to go. I will be what he wants me to be.

<3 Eliza

PS whew! That feels so much better, doesn't it?

Sparrows/One by One

(Copyright Intellectual Reserve)

Okay first I'll share the scripture, and then ill share an experience I had. I couldn't decide which title this should be so I left both!

Matthew 10 says (and listen hard to this, because this is YOUR SAVIOR speaking:)

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. 

Look at that sparrow up there. Now, I love birds. I spent a majority of my middle school years bird watching. But believe me when I say I had to look long and hard to find a sparrow picture that was pretty. And even that one is not as effervescent as a hummingbird or as glorious as an eagle.

So, I guess it's worth is not in beauty. Maybe function? The sparrow serves as prey for snakes and cats, it eats seeds, and lives a couple years. Not much of a niche to brag about (haha ecology word!). We can count out function. The sparrow is not valued for its strength, or cunning, or beauty.

It's the value of their meat then! That must be it! No wait, Christ just said they were only sold for half a farthing (I looked it up, it was the smallest roman coin in use, and small in Greek as well. Under the value of two US dollars)

So why is it that God is aware when just one falls? It is because God loves the sparrow, he created it, and nothing more is needed to earn his love.

What about us? We are of more value than many sparrows (thanks, that makes me feel a lot better :). But hold that sarcasm. Because God knows when each sparrow falls.  There can be no doubt in our minds that he knows our small victories and weaknesses, our service and shortcomings, our pity parties. We are God's children, and he is our Father, and he loves us. 

Never fear! God loves you. However, these things are easier said than applied. The world just wants you to get down on yourself.

These past couple months have been kinda a roller coaster. I have days when everything's great, I'm so grateful to have moved away from drama and into a great neighborhood, I have friends, and everything's great. Then it seems in a few hours I could be crying and pleading to feel God's love for me because I don't feel love anywhere else. Sitting alone at lunch is awful. People gossiping about you is awful. Not having inside jokes with people or knowing everyone's history is awful. But you can know that God is always there for you, and knows your struggles and joys.

One thing that is so great though, is that God gives tender mercies to all his children. I'm so grateful for the tender mercies I've been shown just this week. For this week, two people who i admire so much from Va emailed me to see how I was doing.  I don't think that's a coincidence. It really helped me see just how much my Heavenly Father cares about me.

God loves us one by one. He knows your name, and all your pain. He knows your smiles, and wants to help you. One of the greatest comforts to me has been this song. Listen to it, and remember, there is always someone who loves you.

Pioneer Faith

(copyright Intellectual Reserve and lds.org)

We are so lucky. I mean seriously, so lucky. 

Running water. Indoor heating. Family. Friends. America. Clothes. Flowers. 

Yeah sure none of those things are perfect. We fight with our families, wish our clothes were this or that, and think that some conspiracy business is going on with the government. But atleast we have those perfect imperfect things. 

I don't know how in the world the pioneers did it. First they didn't have indoor heating unless their house caught on fire. The occasional stream was their running water. Many of them left their families for their faith. Friends and family members died as they crossed the plains. They were leaving America to go to uncharted territory. Clothes were hard to find and hard to make, much less cute. And as they crossed the plains in the winter, they didn't even have flowers to comfort them.

All this on the words of a man. But they did it because they believed that God had called a prophet on the earth today, had restored precious truths that made up for all the pain they were going through. They believed in answers to prayers, in miracles. They believed in forever families and resurrection and Jesus Christ. 

We believe in that today too. Would we be able to leave our homes behind and follow God's will to walk across the country pushing handcarts in the dead of winter? Of course not all left in the winter. But even those who didn't: many had to choose between family expectations and will of God. Many knew the consequences of joining "them Mormons." Despised of many, killed and persecuted, and now tossed from the frying pan into the fire as they faced the uncertainty of the journey. 

As I think about that move, I am grateful for the trials small in comparison I am dealing with. I can still talk to friends in Virginia, and visit a couple times a year. My whole family is together, and we all love each other. I didn't have to push tons of weight twenty miles a day in order to reach an unknown destination. 

I got to go to trek this summer. It was so cool. At that point I knew I was moving. It was so amazing. I am truly amazed with the faith the pioneers had.

Keep the faith

Beautiful Heartbreak

Moving stinks. Time to pour my heart out.

I met this lady yesterday. She's my new hero. She's the real deal super-disciple.

She is LDS. Was doing everything right. Had four beautiful daughters and one amazing son. But then a crisis shook everything she knew and she had to learn to rely on Christ like she never had before. Then her life was thrown into the storm as her family uprooted and moved overnight.

She was talking to me about a dance and I was lamenting on how amazing it was and how I was sad it was over. Then she said:

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

That must be an accumulation of all of the faith she found, all of the hurt she's felt, all the love she's had to give away. It really inspired me.

God truly does have a plan for us. I think I was supposed to meet her yesterday.

Last year my friend was fighting luekemia. She gave it her all, and the whole community was convinced her prayers for that miracle would be answered. But she finished her battle in September. She is now living with her Father in Heaven.

So was she victorious in her battle? Did God answer her families prayers? I think he did. No, I know he did.

She has the greatest rest and relief now. I can't imagine what amazement she is experiencing right now. The community has risen and grown together, for through her love she showed us God's love. I wish I could influence people in the ways she did.

Then in March, my best friend passed away. Sure, she was a cat. But I could tell her everything. She never judged me and let me cry into her warmth when I had heartbreak tugging me down. That was hard.

But this summer, I moved. I'm no longer a Virginian, but a Pennsylvanian. It's not the farthest move, but I had to leave everything behind. All the relationships, all the memories, all the people who had taught me so much. I felt like now there was hardly an imaginary connection to my friend who passed away, much less a bond with my cat.

I've had to face humiliation, hurt, unfamiliarity, disdain even. I've done things I never thought I could do. I've shared the gospel a ton, and found my testimony in this world of darkness (I'll reserve that for another post). I've realized that the world moves on without me, people move away, people move in, friendships are broken and replaced. People get taller. Babies are born.


As our family drive away from Virginia this morning back up to Pennsylvania, it felt like I was leaving my home. But I guess wherever people you love are is home. Virginia is home, Utah is home, Nauvoo is home ;), even Pennsylvania is home now.

There is one place we all know well. Even though you may not remember it, you once had a heavenly home with your Heavenly parents. Jesus, our older brother, was there too. Everyone we loved was all together, in the same place all at once. That is our true home.

That is where I want to go. I want to be enveloped in His love again, and see the faces of everyone I
love. I want to be reunited with those who have passed on, I want to feel like I belong again.

God sends us heartbreak to help us grow. He wants us to return to his love. I am so grateful for this life and an opportunity to grow and learn.

If you haven't heard the song Beautiful Heartbreak yet, you need to watch this. It's the best.