Spirit is Willing, Flesh is Weak

(copyright Intellectual Reserve)

Aw you guys! A bit disappointed in myself... The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, and I'm feeling it today.

This morning I prayed for an opportunity to share the gospel. Then I remembered someone I could share it with.

A couple weeks ago I gave a Book of Mormon to my friend for Christmas. The gift of the joy and peace that comes from the gospel is the best gift you could ever give to somebody. But I always get super nervous at the moment of missionary work. While my ideals and intentions are good, I end up tongue tied and anxious. So i decided to write my testimony inside of it and wrap it up do I wouldn't have to talk about it right then and there. First mistake, because while it saves my anxiety right then and there, it causes for a lot of trouble later.

The first day back from winter break, I was SUPER nervous. Like seriously, about to throw up. It wasn't that I was ashamed of the gospel, just that even without fear I get flushed and it's embarrassing and everyone starts looking at me concerned like "are you okay?" And then I get stuttery and troubled, and try to end the awkward conversation. (I've gotten a lot better, because it only gets comfortable with practice ;)

Well, the first day back, neither of us saw each other. I was getting more relaxed as the week went by. Maybe I wouldn't need to talk to her about it and embarrass myself.

But then this morning, I decided that if I got the chance, I would bear my testimony to her. Agh! Stupid natural man. Because guess what? After two weeks of not bringing it up, she finally thanked me for it. There was my chance. And I blew it. I don't think I'm going to even write what I said. It was just totally not what I had wanted, and I had let my fear come before following the Spirit.

Even though I feel like I messed up pretty bad, I think at this point, it's the best I can do. I put my best into my efforts, and tomorrow my best will be a little higher. Maybe I'll talk to her about it.

I tried my best while on the Lords errand, so I cannot fail. 

For next time though, I do think I need to remember that I am to be a tool, an instrument in the Lord's hand. He is the carpenter, and knows what we can do. If we just let him work through us, then miracles can happen. I will try to let The Lord work through me. You will too, won't you? For me? ;)